Robbing Hood: From Average Joe to Billionaire Bob

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Dedicated to the robber in chief, leading his merry band of GOP thieves, I hereby proclaim, via the first Robbing Hood blog, a new series focused on how the GOP and 45 plan to rob from average Jane and Joe and give to Billionaire Bob!

To all the average Joe’s and Jane’s out there: watch your wallets! 45’s plan to Make America Great Again depends on the “richies” being “nice.” Ahhh yes, that’s it…all those hedge fund folks who destroyed our retirement accounts last time, who packaged up a bunch of toxic real estate assets like they were botox for the bottomline and sold them off to the banks to help the “getting by’s” buy a larger home than they probably needed. Remember the fun and frolic, when the Chinese bought our Treasuries, and credit was loose, and everyone bought more than their fair share of stuff? Oh yeah, those were the good old days of 2002-2008, before we had to pull the rip-cord and parachute to reality.

A bunch of stuff happened after that, including the formation of an organization called the Consumer Protection Agency. As stated on its website, “The FTC’s Bureau of Consumer Protection stops unfair, deceptive and fraudulent business practices by collecting complaints and conducting investigations, suing companies and people that break the law, developing rules to maintain a fair marketplace, and educating consumers and businesses about their rights and responsibilities.” Definitely something we should want to get rid of, right? Woohoo! Soon everyone can engage in the type of business practices that have distinguished 45 as one of the only “77’s” out there. What is a 77 you ask? Someone who has filed Chapter 11 7 times.

Ponder that for a moment and the possibility that we may all be headed for an “88” collectively.  But hold onto your hats you “getting by” types because you can definitely count on the “richies” and the businesses who now have full and unfettered access to fraudulent practices to do the right thing, right? I am sure they would never take advantage of or engage in practices at the expense of us pesky consumers to make extra money. Hey maybe they will even employ us and create a whole bunch of awesome jobs, right? You trust them, don’t you? So when you follow Fraulein Conway’s dictate to buy Ivanka’s stuff, because its “So great” — you will definitely be helping both Ivanka and the U.S. economy. I mean, hey, the Chinese who manufacture her clothes may even buy our Treasuries again….

You trust 45, and Fraulein Conway, and Putin, and you hate people like me. I’m the enemy – one of those crazed liberals who reads the news, believes in facts, pays my damn student loan bill ($900) a month because I went to MIT for an MBA to become an eleet.

So what does it feel like to be an “eleet?” Ah…let me count the ways. Ooops. Yes, see the thing is, my friend, — WE — yes you regular Joe, and you regular Jane, are ME. That’s right, I am regular Jane too, and I struggle to pay for that student loan and my other monthly payments, and wonder if my retirement account will crash because we certainly want to make darn sure that those Koch brothers and their industries are deregulated, and that we can pollute again, and that we can vvvvv-OUCH-erize the hell out of public education so that our billionaire baby DeVos can gut public education like she did in Michigan. Watch out for the bears!

But, I get it, its soooooooo unfair to be sooooooo mean to the Tweeter in Chief. I call bullsh*t and ask you to think about who might be taking steps, marching in the streets, blogging, and barking on your behalf?  Yes me, the liberal version of regular Jane. Oh, and did I mention that my great grand-daddy was a coal miner, and my grandpa sold spam for Hormel, and my husband is in the local carpenter’s union. His family came here from Germany after WWII. He is the opposite of eleet, and spent most of his time toiling with his body to make a living. But, hey just remember, I am a snotty liberal jerk out to get you by suggesting that fair labor practices, clean air, and regulations on business serve our purposes.

If we are headed to 88 with 45 (aka 77)…let’s try and do things bigly. Grammar is so Obama. See you at Nordstrom. That’s where the eleets like to hang out.

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